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I hate goodbyes, most specially the ones at the airport. It’s just heart breaking. Sigh.

This morning, my husband left for Auckland, via Singapore. His flight is scheduled at around 10 in the morning. When I opened my eyes around six, he was already seated in front of his laptop, checking some things. Brent cried and Jay carried him to put him back to sleep, but the little boy (for some reason knew his father was leaving) was already wide awake and didn’t want to go back to sleep. Jay and Brent lay down beside me and for a moment, I wanted to freeze the time.

At the airport, I tried to control myself from crying. (I’m such a cry baby, the kind of which I cry at the sight of someone else crying. I cry when I can’t express myself. I cry when I choose to keep silent rather than say something I might regret after. I cry for reasons I sometimes could not explain.) I didn’t want Jay to see me crying because I don’t want him to worry about me. I tried to divert my thoughts to Brent, to his nappies, to his milk, among others. But when it was time to finally say goodbye (the shattering kind of goodbye that you know you wouldn’t be seeing the person for some time), I wanted to break down. And when I saw the tears in my husband’s eyes, I felt like breaking down. The tears that I’ve been trying to hold back were just too hard to resist. I hate airport goodbyes. I hate all goodbyes. period.

I tried to laugh and told my husband not to cry because we will be seeing each other again soon. I know he’ll miss Brent a lot, they have been best of friends, spending time with each other a lot more than anyone. And I feel like being broken into a million pieces.

Today, I am telling myself to be strong. I have something to look forward to. Goodbye means seeing each other again soon. I really don’t know if there is ‘good’ in goodbyes, but I am sure goodbyes are not forever.

To my husband, I miss you. I miss you like crazy, literally. I am always praying for you. I know this is not forever, we will be seeing again very soon. I love you, and this life wouldn’t mean a thing without you. You are God’s greatest, most wonderful gift to me (and Brent of course).

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See you soon, my love.

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